GUILTY FEELINGS FROM CHRONIC ILLNESS

Then there is the GUILT

(This exert was taken from http://transformyourchroniclife.com Titled “Guilt and Chronic Illness) The illness, guilt is a factor, and it can sabotage our efforts to improve our situation if we let it. In addition, unhealthy guilt can actually make our illness worse by increasing our stress levels and making us feel that we “don’t deserve” to do the things that help us feel better. If I feel guilty about feeling exhausted and not being able to do the dishes, so I force myself to do them anyway, it makes my symptoms worse and I am even less able to do the things I think I “should” be doing.
Notice those words, “unhealthy guilt.” Guilt actually comes in two versions, healthy and unhealthy. The healthy version is the kind of guilt you feel when you do something “wrong” like hurting someone else. This is the kind of guilt that causes you to correct your behavior and make amends, and is a learning experience that can make you a better person. Unhealthy guilt, on the other hand, is the kind of guilt we feel about things that we have no control over, like our illness. This kind of guilt serves no purpose, makes us suffer for something that isn’t our fault, and frequently leads to self-hatred and feeling like a failure.

So the next time you think your friend or loved one that has been diagnosed with a chronic illness is being lazy… you might want to put yourself in their shoes and show a little compassion over something they have no control over because those kind of comments lead to guilt and guilt leads to more pain emotionally and physically.

Written By Jen Reynolds
Creator and Founder of FibroTV.com

Sunday-Day of rest

I woke up late Sun morning and got up, put my robe on, brushed my hair and then went back to bed.   I was so tired and my body ached so bad all the way down to the top of my feet.  I ended up snoozing off/on until 3:30.  I felt like something had sucked out all my energy, what very little I have these days and stomped on my body.  It was a miserable day.  Days like yesterday are so difficult to deal with when you have  fibromyalgia. You just want to give up.  So as they say, Sunday is a day of rest, at least it was for me.
Monday- a much better day, thank god!

stuck in the bathrooom!

Have you ever had one of those days when you are stuck in the bathroom?  I'm talking the "D" work to keep it clean.  Well I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), and yes it is a syndrome everyone.  I have these "bathroom" days quite frequently.  You are bound to your home, you dont dare leave even to run to the bank or post office down the street, because "D" will interrupt suddenly and you will have an accident.  Believe me I have had an accident before in my car and unbelievably at home (ran to the bathroom and didn't make it, only 15 ft away)
I know this isn't a pleasant subject matter, but this "syndrome" is controlling my life!  If I dare to venture out, I have to make sure I know where their bathroom is located.  I can probably tell you where half the bathrooms are located in Lees Summit at retail businesses.  I should have invested in Immodium D stock!
I am afraid to go out to eat with anyone for fear as soon as I am finished with my meal, the "D" will strike, only because it has happened to me before.
Also when you get a bout of "D", a tension headache immediately comes on, something to do with a nerve signal between your gut and your brain, really its true! Its called the leaky gut sydrome, ARGH, another syndrome!  SO NOT FAIR!
I do know from my past experience, my IBS is caused by stress mainly, not what I eat. My body does not handle any type of stress anymore, this is my body's way of boycotting stress I guess.  Hmmm.  Maybe I need to invest in Depends!  Gotta go, literally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pain, Pain go away,
Day after day I live in chronic pain.  I have fibromyalgia and all of its related symptons. Life has been tough in the last 3 years.  I lost my job of 12 yrs, my finances, my friends, my Dad, MY LIFE.  Everyday I wake up from my Ambien induced sleep, I realize my body has been invaded by this pain just trying to get out of bed.  Sometimes I wish I could just sleep forever and not wake up and have to deal with this invisible pain.  I usually dont want to get up out of bed, I lay there and think about when I didnt have pain in my life and feel sorry for myself.  Finally I get up and make my way down the stairs to make a cup of coffee. My knees creek and pop as I make my way down the steps slowly.  Somedays I go back to bed after my coffee, or I usually end up on the couch.  I dont feel like getting out or goin anywhere (depression and anxiety have set in) I have had panic attacks so I take clonzepam to help with blocking those panicky feelings so I can try to run errands, get prescriptions, a few groceries, etc. 
I am waiting for my appeal with Social Security to get my disability pay.  I have worked for over 35 years, I paid in, I deserve it but the govt makes you go through hoops to get what you deserve.  I have a lawyer handling my case, but it is such a SLOW process.  I am now waiting for 6-18mths to get a favorable appealed decision and get my back pay, which is now 2 years worth of benefits, (approx $35,000) so close, but so far.  I was approved by my city pension plan a year ago based on depression, not fibromyalgia, so I do get that disability benefit but $625 doesnt go very far in a month.
 I worry, what will I do once my money is gone, which I calculate will be in about 7-8 months.  Will I lose my home?  Where will I go?  This is what I worry about on a daily basis. I dont hold out much hope that the govt will get me  my favorable decision in 6 mths time and get me disability backpay and monthly payments. Im sure it will take the full 18 mths.
I do visit my psychologist once a month, she in fact told me that writing a blog would be good therapy for me so here I am starting out today with MY first blog.  That is all for today, maybe, just maybe, I will have a better day tomorrow.